Anlamak ve hak vermek…

Anlamak ve hak vermek arasında çok büyük bir fark var.

1915-1930 yılları arasında alınmış kararları ve onların bugün canımıza okuyan uygulamalarını, dönem koşulları dolayısıyla anlıyorum ama hak vermiyorum.

Son 30 yıldır süren, çözülmesi ısrarla ertelenen, çözme şansı muhtelif engellerle özellikle ıskalanan Kürt meselesi ve PKK hareketini anlıyorum ama şiddeti ve terörü hiçbir koşulda haklı bulmuyorum.

Laiklik çerçevesinde ülkenin muhafazakar kesiminin, ulusalcı – ulusolcu sözde batılı ve modern elit kesimlerce psikolojik baskı altında tutulması sonucu, baskılanan ve Anadolu’nun çoğunluğunu oluşturan bu kesimin son 15 yılda devlet desteği olmaksızın muhafazakar burjuva olarak iktidara gelmesini anlıyorum ama bu iktidarın, vaktiyle şikayet ettiği adaletsizlik ve hak ihlallerinin benzerini uygulamasına hak vermiyorum.

Anlamak ve hak vermek arasında çok büyük bir fark var.

Bana kendi dışkımı yedirmeye kalksalardı, çocuğumu okuduğu üniversitenin tuvaletinde ipte sallandırsalardı, oğlumun, eşimin cenazesini bile bulamayacağım şekilde katletselerdi belki ben de silaha başvurmak zorunda kalırdım. Birileri bu çaresizliğimi ve öfkemi mutlaka anlardı, ama hak vermezdi.

İnsan olmak böyle bir şey galiba… Çelişki ve karşıtlık doğamızda var…

Reklamlar

Your Change

You asked me something today, I found it serious and respected it.

Once, you just threw your dirty pants straight into the basket to be washed. I told you it was difficult to have them inside out when wet before hanging and the pockets would remain wet. You didn’t seem to care several times and when you needed them straight from the hanger, you found the pockets slightly wet. Then you found out that you should have turned them inside out before being washed…

Once you complained about our fridge looking always empty that you couldn’t find anything to chew when you felt hunger. We went shopping and filled two big baskets paying all what we had. At the end of the week, things were untouched and stinky and you had to clean the fridge. We were never spending time at home, but only sleeping after long days of work. We never cooked or prepared anything at home. Finally you gave up complaining about our fridge, feeling a deep guilt for throwing all the food into the bin that weekend.

Once you threw your coke can from the car window and I was quite irritated. I told you to stop, drive back and pick it. You resisted. I told you would damage the car’s front window driving behind us or hurt the motorcycler’s head and cause an accident. You criticised me for being too thoughtful on every detail… A couple of days later you came home with several injuries and told me a bastard had thrown his butt from the car window and it slipped under your helmet, you fell over…

Once you picked up two freezer nylon bags and wore them on your hands to divide the minced meat into seperate freezer bags. You always felt too lazy to wash your hands after touching meat with nakesd hands so you liked wasting nylon bags. One day, you needed one nylon bag urgently and couldn’t find even one in the drawer and started swearing at your laziness for not washing your hands but wasting the bags every time…

Once you were too loud and not caring my warnings at you to be more quiet. Then I always spoke to you quietly and softly. You realized how absurd you sound next to me in a conversation where you scream and I almost whisper…

Then once you came and told me I’ve changed you so much.

Here you are, with your answer to your question.

Why had I always felt too tired in my heart?